ot Terrorist arrested in New York

>AT NEW YORK's Kennedy airport today, an individual =AD later discovered

to be
>a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while
in
>possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a
>morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he
>believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He

is
>being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
>
>"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," he declared. "They seek average
solutions by
>means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute
>value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves
>as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator
>of
>the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek
>philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every
>triangle."
>
>When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had
>wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given
>us
>more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown
us a
>sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are
>willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky
statisticians
>love
>to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the
circumferences, we
>must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
>
>The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the
potential
>to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen,
unless
>we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random
facts
>of
>vertex."
>
>The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, read
my
>ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they
continue to
>multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens."
>